The Hostility in His Heart Is No Longer Growing (Part 1)

Liu Yi

Liu Yi had a lot of friends in school because a sense of brotherhood and getting along well with his classmates were really important to him. In his life, when he saw nice people being bullied, he would go to bat for them. In general, he could get along with just about anyone, and he would rather take a bit of a loss than take advantage of someone else. Liu Yi felt that he was someone who possessed good humanity. But only when reality came upon him, when something really encroached upon his own interests, he discovered the vile satanic disposition buried deep within his heart …

On one day in May, as Liu Yi was in the office completely engrossed in editing an article, Chen Hao stepped in front of him and said: “Liu Yi, you’ve been a part of the team for a good bit of time, but there hasn’t been any improvement in your article editing. We’ve talked about these things quite a few times but they’re still an issue. Did you really study editing at university? Your resume couldn’t be falsified, could it?” Hearing this, Liu Yi’s face was burning with embarrassment. He felt like it was a huge blow to his dignity; a bias against Chen Hao developed within him. While Liu Yi was still stewing over this, he happened to pass by Chen Hao’s room, and accidentally overheard him saying to the leader: “Liu Yi’s capabilities aren’t up to par. He’s not suited to being trained to take a position of responsibility.” Liu Yi was absolutely shocked, feeling like he had just been slapped in the face. He suddenly felt like he had been dragged through the mud and his anger welled up and overflowed: “You’re so out of line! In any case, I’m a university graduate and I’ve been a leader and a co-worker in the local church. Since I was transferred to this church to fulfill my duty I can certainly be trained. Based on what you’re saying, I’m completely worthless, is that right? Won’t the other brothers and sisters look down on me? Can’t the church promote and train me?” Liu Yi went back to his own room in a huff and just stared blankly at his computer screen. He wasn’t remotely in the mood to work on the articles on his plate; Chen Hao’s words kept echoing in his mind, and the more he thought about it, the more animosity he felt toward Cheng Hao. He got up, walked out to the balcony, and gazed at the gloomy sky. He felt just like the sky looked—depressed and dull.

Over the following period of time, every time Liu Yi saw Chen Hao, he felt irritable and didn’t even want to acknowledge him. At times, after Chen Hao read articles Liu Yi had edited and gave him some suggestions, Liu Yi was really resistant and would directly refute him: “As I see it, this is really clear. Your suggestions aren’t necessarily better. There’s no need to change it.” At times when they had different views when discussing articles, when the majority of their brothers and sisters agreed with Liu Yi’s perspective, he would secretly look down on Chen Hao and take advantage of the opportunity to belittle him, saying that Chen Hao’s skills were lacking in editing articles. Before long, Chen Hao was promoted to a position of responsibility, and whenever he was making work arrangements for him, Liu Yi was really disgruntled and was in a perfunctory manner. Once this had gone on for a while, Chen Hao felt particularly constrained and didn’t dare give him suggestions anymore. One day, Liu Yi noticed that when the upper-level leader inquired after Chen Hao’s work, he didn’t give a clear response. Gloating, he said: “Now I know your weak points. The leader asked you a question and you got so nervous that you couldn’t even respond. I can see that you’re totally lacking in caliber, but you actually have the nerve to say that I’m lacking.” Then he publicly reproved Chen Hao: “Why don’t you say something? You have no sense.” Chen Hao hung his head and didn’t say a word. Seeing this, Liu Yi secretly felt a little unsettled, but when he thought of how Chen Hao had made him look bad in the past, he thought that he was too arrogant and applying some pressure to him wasn’t going overboard. After that, Liu Yi would frequently judge Chen Hao behind his back as having an arrogant disposition, thinking too much of himself, looking down on other brothers and sisters, and scolding people from on high, etc. The brothers and sisters in his team were all impacted by his judgments, and Brother Li even developed a bias and opinions against Chen Hao. Liu Yi felt some self-reproach; he realized the way that he was judging Chen Hao behind his back wasn’t the right way to do things, but he didn’t reflect on and understand himself better. When Liu Yi later saw some issues in the articles written by the brothers and sisters, he wanted to talk to Chen Hao about how to resolve this, but since he couldn’t put his own bias against him aside, instead he put the issues aside. Since there was no subsequent progress in the article editing of their team and there were some issues that hadn’t been dealt with in a timely manner, one brother raised a suggestion: “Do we need more editors in our team? Should we look for people from other churches? This project can’t just keep on being delayed; it’s impacting our progress.” Hearing this, Liu Yi’s heart thumped, and he felt great self-blame. He thought: “The church arranged for me to come in the first place because there weren’t enough editors here, but because I’ve been living within a corrupt disposition, I’ve never been able to cooperate harmoniously with Brother Chen. I’ve seriously delayed this important project.” At that moment, Liu Yi felt very upset; he knew that he should treat his brother appropriately and collaborate with him to do their duty well, but his corrupt disposition was ruling over him, convincing him: “You can’t bow your head to Chen Hao, then you’ll lose your dignity. He’s done harm to your face and you can’t forgive him.” That was the push and pull between his conscience and his corrupt disposition. In his helplessness, Liu Yi could only pray to God: “Oh God! I am really suffering. I’m living within my corrupt disposition and am unable to treat Brother Chen as I should. God, may You enlighten and guide me so that I may know myself and find the right path of practice within God’s words.”

In the dead of night, Liu Yi was still intently focused on his computer screen reading God’s words when he saw this: “Are you capable of thinking up various ways to punish people because they are not to your liking or do not get along with you? Have you ever done this sort of thing before? (Yes.) Were you not always indirectly belittling people, making cutting remarks, and being sarcastic toward them? (Yes.) What were the states in your hearts when you were doing such things? At the time, you were venting and felt happy, and you gained the upper hand; afterward, however, you thought to yourselves, ‘I did such a despicable thing. I don’t have a God-fearing heart, and I have treated someone so unfairly.’ Did you feel to blame inside? (Yes.) … Can you contemplate attacking and seeking revenge against people, giving them a hard time and showing them who is the boss whenever you despise them, do not get along with them, or when they do not listen to or obey you? ‘If you don’t do what I want, I won’t punish you now, but I’ll find an opportunity. No one will know, no one will find out, but I will punish you and make you submit to me. I’ll make you beg for mercy; I’ll show you that I am inviolable. I’ll show you my iron fist and my power. After that, no one will dare to mess with me!’” (“The Five Conditions People Have Before They Enter the Right Track of Believing in God” in Records of Christ’s Talks). After reading God’s words, Liu Yi felt really ashamed; those words really described his state at the time as well as what he had recently been living out. His brother’s words had damaged his own face and dignity, so he then developed a great bias against him and held a grudge against him. When Brother Chen had suggestions about the articles he had worked on, he was contradictory and would refute him, unable to accept it. When the upper-level leader was inquiring after their work and Chen Hao didn’t provide a good answer, he gloated and took advantage of the situation to get back at him, belittling Brother Chen in front of the other brothers and sisters and even judging him behind his back in the hopes that he would become isolated from more of them. When he discovered that there were issues in an article he had received that urgently required discussion and seeking with Brother Chen, he preferred to hold up the church’s work rather than set concerns of his face aside to talk about and resolve the problem; this was because he couldn’t let go of his own bias against him. Liu Yi reflected on this and saw that his thinking and his actions had no semblance of humanity at all. He had thought of himself as a humane person, but through this period of time performing his duty alongside Brother Chen, he discovered that he didn’t appear to do anything obviously bad when the people, events, and things didn’t encroach on his own personal interests. However, as soon as someone else offended him or their words or actions impacted his face or status, injuring his so-called dignity, he would watch for his chance to exact revenge and even use all sorts of tactics to stifle and exclude them. He wouldn’t even uphold the interests of the church; he wouldn’t even stop at delaying and obstructing the work of the church. He felt that he really was incredibly selfish and wicked—he didn’t have the likeness of a man of faith at all! Liu Yi also realized that when Brother Chen had said that his work skills were lacking, that was an objective assessment, and even though he had studied editing in school, when editing articles for the church he needed to understand a lot of truths; he could acknowledge that he was lacking in that aspect. Chen Hao’s helping to point these things out was supporting the work of the church and it was making up for his own deficiencies. But not only did he refuse to accept it, but he made exclusionary, judgmental, and vicious attacks against Brother Chen in order to protect his own face and dignity. He really was entirely lacking humanity and reason. When he thought of all of this, Liu Yi felt extremely guilty and reproachful of himself; he no longer fixated on him, instead he was willing to treat Brother Chen with a loving and sincere heart.

When Liu Yi let go of his bias against Brother Chen and was going to seek him out for a heart-to-heart, Brother Zhao, a member of his team, suddenly said to him: “Brother Chen hasn’t been in a very good state for the last couple of days. Would you like to have a chat with him?” Liu Yi realized that this was his opportunity to remove the barrier between him and Brother Chen and put the truth into practice. So he went to talk to Brother Chen. At first, he was still holding onto some concern for his own face, worried whether Brother Chen would give him the cold shoulder once he had finished telling him what was on his heart. That would be really awkward. But, when he was willing to forsake himself and practice according to God’s words, God gave him confidence and courage. He opened up to Brother Chen about his own expression of corruption, and Brother Chen also shared with him what was on his mind. Through this heart-to-heart they had, this knot that had been tied up in his heart was untied. From then on, they were no longer estranged from each other and would frequently bare their hearts to each other and talk about entry into life—they became able to interact in a free and easy way. When Brother Chen again pointed out Liu Yi’s corruption, he was able to put aside his own face and status and accept it with an open mind. And when Brother Chen again raised suggestions about his work, no matter what kind of manner or tone he had, Liu Yi was able to listen patiently and first consider whether or not his brother’s suggestions would benefit their work. As long as it was beneficial for the church’s work, he would go along. This way, their collaboration in performing their duty became more harmonious, and Liu Yi also proactively took on a burden for their duty. When there was an issue he didn’t have clarity on, he would go discuss it with Brother Chen. Through this experience, Liu Yi had a taste of how he can only cast off the strictures and binds of his corrupt disposition through putting the truth into practice. He gained true peace and joy.

Source From: The Hostility in His Heart Is No Longer Growing 

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